Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on accepting and acknowledging your problems. This therapy teaches you to let go of the fruitless struggle with unpleasant emotions, thoughts and physical sensations inherent in being human. The constant struggle with these unavoidable experiences can deplete your energy and prevent you from living a meaningful and fulfilling life.
This therapy encourages you to let go of the struggle and allow yourself to fully experience, hold and endure the negative feelings without judgment or avoidance. This does not mean that you have to like or enjoy these feelings, but rather that you acknowledge and accept them as a natural part of the human experience. By accepting these uncomfortable feelings, thoughts and sensations and making space for them, you free up precious energy that can be redirected to what is truly important in life.
This therapy also emphasizes the importance of engaging in actions that are consistent with your values and goals, regardless of the presence of difficult emotions or thoughts. It encourages you to clarify your values and set meaningful goals that are consistent with those values. By identifying and committing to actions that align with your values, you can live a more purposeful life, even in the face of discomfort.
In summary, the therapy teaches you to accept the inevitable challenges life brings, let go of the fruitless struggle against unpleasant experiences, and focus your energy on meaningful actions that are consistent with your values. Through acceptance and commitment, you can cultivate a fulfilling and authentic life, even in the face of adversity
"Imagine you throw a party for all the people in your neighbourhood. Everyone shows up, even the local homeless person who often causes trouble. The party represents your life and the homeless person represents the feelings you would rather not experience. You let everyone in except the homeless man. The homeless person is upset and tries to get in through the back door. You get angry and quickly lock the back door, telling the homeless person that they are trespassing. You call the police, but they can't come. So you ask all your guests to alert you if the homeless person turns up. You spend the rest of the night trying to keep the homeless person out."
Because of this, you will not be able to enjoy your party.
The question now is: are you prepared to let the homeless person (annoying feelings) into your party (your life)?
You probably would have been less annoyed if you had put the bum on your couch with a beer. Unpleasant feelings are part of life. If you are ready to invite them, you do not have to fight them all the time.
How often does it happen that you don't do something you would have liked to do? It could be that it was too scary, or that you knew it would cause a bad feeling. Not doing something to avoid a bad feeling is a clear example of avoidance. You avoid the situation to avoid the rotten feeling.
However, the cost of doing so is high. We often avoid things that we find scary, but that are secretly very important to us. Another disadvantage of avoidance is that it often worsens. Before you know it, you are avoiding not only the cinema, but also parties and other worthwhile experiences. Therefore, avoidance often gets in the way of fun things in your life. It is important to know how you avoid yourself and the cost of doing so.
There are direct and subtle ways of avoidance. Direct avoidance is when you don't do something at all. For example, not going to a party because you are afraid of social situations. Subtle avoidance is when you do do something, but in a way that makes it less scary. For example, going to a party alone, or staying with someone else the whole time.
If you find yourself avoiding, it is important to look at the cost you are paying for it. Avoidance can get in the way of fun things in your life, and it can also leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied.
If you find the cost of avoidance too high, it is important to seek help. There are several ways to deal with avoidance, including therapy, self-help books and online courses.
Subtle avoidance is difficult to detect in ourselves, often we think these behaviours are normal and do not stand out. Try to pay extra attention to how you avoid in the future. Who knows, you might discover something new about yourself!