Making mistakes and errors is a natural part of being human. But when things go wrong, it's often easy to blame ourselves. It can feel that not only has something gone wrong, but that it reflects on our whole identity as a person; we feel that we have failed.
Failure is often an experience that can make us disapprove of ourselves as individuals. It would be beneficial if we could learn to approach our failures differently and separate them more from our sense of self.
An important shift in thinking about failure is to recognise that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks is a normal part of the learning process. Rather than seeing failure as a reflection of our worth as a person, we can see it as an opportunity for growth and development. Mistakes provide valuable lessons that can help us improve and become better versions of ourselves.
Another helpful approach is to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding and forgiveness that you would extend to a friend who has made a mistake. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Remember that your self-worth is not defined solely by your failures, but by your inherent value as a human being.
It's also important to shift our mindset from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. A fixed mindset believes that our abilities and intelligence are fixed traits, whereas a growth mindset recognises that we can develop and improve through effort and learning. Embrace the belief that failure is not a permanent state, but rather an opportunity for growth and progress.
It's also important to change the way we look at failure. Instead of seeing it as something to be ashamed of, see it as a stepping stone to success. Many successful people have experienced failure along the way, and it has often been a catalyst for their growth and resilience.
In conclusion, it's important to recognise that making mistakes and experiencing failure is part of being human. By shifting our mindset, practising self-compassion, adopting a growth mindset and reframing our perspective on failure, we can learn to separate our failures from our identity and use them as opportunities for growth and development. A healthier approach to failure can lead to increased resilience, personal growth and ultimately success.
The following 5 steps can help you deal with mistakes and failures differently.
Making mistakes is a normal part of life. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. How you handle misses, however, determines whether they help you move forward or backward.
When you make a mistake, it is important to first acknowledge your mind's negative reactions. Your mind may criticize you as a person, or you may worry about the consequences of your mistake.
You can release these negative reactions by using defusion techniques. These are techniques that help you distance yourself from your thoughts and feelings. An example of a defusion technique is to see your thoughts as clouds in the sky. You can also try observing your thoughts without acting on them.
After you have released the negative reactions of your mind, it is important to make space for the unpleasant sensations you are experiencing. These may be feelings of sadness, anger, shame or fear.
You can make space by breathing toward it, or by putting a hand on the spot where you feel this feeling most strongly. You can also try focusing your attention on something else, such as your breathing or your surroundings.
How would you comfort a good friend if he or she made a mistake? You probably wouldn't criticize or condemn him or her. Rather, you would be understanding and kind.
Try to treat yourself with the same compassion. Be kind and understanding to yourself, even if you made a mistake.
Of course it's annoying when something doesn't work out the way you had hoped. But it's important to also focus on the things that did go well.
What things did you handle well? What skills did you use? Try to be appreciative of yourself and pat yourself on the back. Appreciate the fact that you made the effort.
Every miss offers you an opportunity to learn and grow. Try to look for the points in this experience that you can learn and grow from. What would you do differently next time?
Additional Information
Here are a few more tips to help you deal with mistakes:
Our minds often react strongly to the mistakes we make, often with self-criticism and harsh self-judgment. However, it's important to remember that we are all human and prone to making mistakes. The following exercise can help you reflect on your critical inner voice and cultivate self-compassion.
Remember that making mistakes is a normal part of the human experience. Everyone, without exception, makes mistakes at some point in their lives. It does not define your worth as a person. Instead of blaming yourself for your mistakes, offer yourself understanding and compassion.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend who has made a mistake. Instead of engaging in self-criticism or negative self-talk, extend compassion to yourself. Use encouraging and supportive language when talking to yourself, just as you would with a loved one.
Pay attention to the language you use when talking to yourself about your mistakes. Replace harsh and self-critical thoughts with more compassionate and gentle language. For example, instead of saying, "I'm so stupid for messing up," you could say, "I made a mistake and it's OK. I can learn from it and do better next time.''
Practice self-compassion regularly, not just when you make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same care, concern and understanding that you would give to others. Remember that self-compassion is not about self-indulgence or avoiding responsibility, but about recognising your own humanity and offering yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would offer others.
Shift your focus from self-criticism to recognising and appreciating your positive qualities. Reflect on your strengths, achievements and positive attributes. Celebrate your successes and acknowledge the progress you have made. This can help to offset self-criticism and promote a more balanced and compassionate view of yourself.
Think about the last time you did something silly/clumsy.
Take a moment to think about how your body reacted.
Consider the critical thoughts and negative feelings you had at the time
Now try to look at yourself with compassion, as you would look at a good friend who had experienced the same thing.
How can you treat yourself with more compassion next time?
Think about answering the following questions.
Remember that self-compassion is a practice that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself as you work to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion. By treating yourself with kindness, understanding and acceptance, you can cultivate a more compassionate and nurturing relationship with yourself, leading to improved self-esteem and overall well-being.
Ask yourself the following questions:
The answers to these questions will help you gain a better understanding of your positive traits, and how you developed them.
Remember, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. It's how we learn and grow. So don't be too hard on yourself, and always remember that you have the strength and resilience to overcome any challenges that come your way.
And it's important to remember that changing your self-image takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and celebrate even the smallest victories. Each step in the right direction is significant.